Mixed Breed

A dog and a watermelon fell in love
Romance was in the air
Everybody thought it strange
But alas, they didn’t care

And in the spring they married
And it filled their lives with joy
And before too long, yep sure enough
They had a baby boy

But this poor little fellow, well
He’s always sad, by golly…
But what do you expect my friends?
He is a Melon Collie

Identity Crisis

You be me, and I’ll be you.

That would be so cool to do…

Actually, on second thought,

I don’t think things would change a lot

The minute you turned into me,

Would parts of you be there to see?

Would you be you…just in my shoes?

Would you do things I wouldn’t choose?

If so, then you would not be me;

What would the point of switching be?

If I were truly to be you,

Then your life would be all I knew,

And being me would not exist,

(It would for you—now that’s a twist).

Perhaps we switched a while ago

And you’ve been me—you never know.

Maybe I’ve been you for years;

I’ve chewed your food and cried your tears,

Not knowing that I once was me,

Because you seem like me to me.

If this whole switching thing is true,

Then who wrote this? Me or you?

If it was you, then—could it be?—

The one who’s reading must be me!

-

Shane D. Williams

Headstand

I’ve tried, with no luck,

To stand on my head…

So now I’ll try standing

On your head instead.

-

Shane D. Williams

Hairy Situation

Sometimes I wear it curly,

Sometimes I wear it straight.

No matter what I do with it,

My hair looks really great.

 -

Sometimes I add a blue barrette,

Sometimes, a purple bow.

Sometimes I add conditioner

To really make it flow.

 -

Sometimes I like it hot pink,

With glitter and some charms,

But Mom just rolls her eyes and groans,

“Sue! Shave your underarms!”

-

Shane D. Williams

Gas Station Lane

Today was great!

I can’t complain…

We drove on down

Gas Station Lane

 -

Tons of pumps

And drums and cans

The perfect drive

For station fans

 -

We drove past “Bob’s”

And “Fast Stop Tony’s”,

“Phil ‘er Up’s”

And “Gasseronies”

 -

All the neatest

Stuff is there

The fumes are strong

But we don’t care

 -

We stink a bit

But that’s ok…see

We’ve’ been passing

Gas all day

-

Shane D. Williams

Frog Hips

I have a frog

He looks like Elvis

He has sideburns

And shakes his pelvis

 -

All my friends

Think he’s the best

My sister likes

The way he’s dressed

 -

My parents love

My groovy pet…

There’s just one thing

That I don’t get…

 -

He seems to bother

Older folks…

My grandma cries

Each time he croaks.

-

Shane D. Williams

Fowl Poem

Feathers were flyin’

It was pecking my arm

I was trying to catch him

Out there on the farm

 -

I just couldn’t get him

He was too freaking fast

My left eye is blackened

My arm’s in a cast

 -

One thing I learned

And I learned it a lot

Although I like chicken

I prefer them pre-caught……

 -

Flour was flying

I dropped the minced herbs

My mouth started screaming out

Questionable verbs

 -

The oil boiled over

And splashed on the floor

I heard an explosion

As I ran out the door

 -

The house was on fire

Last time I looked

Although I like chicken

I prefer them pre-cooked

-

Shane D. Williams

Forklifts are for sissys

I go down to the warehouse

And observe all that I can

Dad says that it’s the best place

To learn to be a man

 -

But all I really see there

Are a bunch of wimpy dorks

Who need the help of big machines

Just to lift some forks!

-

Shane D. Williams

Fair Hair

“Go comb your hair,” my father said

“Improve the space up top your head”

I went into the bathroom there

And began to comb my unkempt hair

It so improved my space up top

I decided to do more… not stop

 -

So dutifully I spruced it up

I sprayed & gelled & moussed it up

And when I finished, stood in awe

At the wondrous hairdo that I saw

The greatest hairdo I’ve ever had

And so I went & showed my dad

 -

My dad could not believe his eyes

Just sat there shocked, filled with surprise

And then he uttered, “I do declare!

I’m going to enter your hair in the fair!”

And so he did and so I went

And stood there in that stinkin’ tent

 -

While everybody oohed & aahed

At my shiny perfect hair- unflawed

And at the end, wouldn’t you know

My hair done won the best in show

That’s how it started sad to say

That’s when my hairdo moved away

 -

To Hollywood! The next big thing!

It learned to dance, it learned to sing.

It’s now in movies and on TV

And won’t even be seen with me!

It has the gift, it has the knack

I fear it’s never coming back

 -

So now I have advise to send

Please listen to me, my dear friend

Don’t comb your hair all nice like mine

Or you too, will be bald at nine.

-

Shane D. Williams

Deadly Homework

It’s obvious that Science

Is not my favorite class,

And Mrs. Nogg, my teacher,

Doesn’t think that I will pass.

 -

She’s heard all my excuses

About where my homework went.

She won’t believe a thing I say;

Her patience has been spent.

 -

So last night I did my homework,

‘Cause I didn’t want to fail,

But my chemical experiment

Just didn’t go too well…

 -

The jar that I had mixed it in

Tipped over on Mom’s plants…

They grew some teeth and came alive,

Then did a spooky dance.

 -

I tried to think of something…

(They were drooling on the floor!)

So I grabbed them all and threw them out,

Then quickly slammed the door!

 -

Today I have a new excuse

To tell to Mrs. Nogg,

But I doubt that she’ll believe me….

My homework ate my dog!

-

Shane D. Williams